Just last year, they said “No one will ever care about you except us”. Although they said this in Chinese, I am translating exactly word by word. They didn’t even use the word love. Love and sex are 2 taboo words in our family — I learnt that very early, maybe at the beginning of elementary school.
My first response in my mine was “Huh?? If they truly care about me, how come I never felt that all my life?” Action speaks louder than words. Even when I was little, I highly suspected that I was adopted. As a little girl, I felt My NM’s attitude & behaviors fit those of the evil stepmother in the storybooks I read. How shocking it is, in retrospect, I see my mother’s image in the evil stepmother in storybooks. Although NF comes home every day, he has long escaped into his job, totally estranged from me, only believing in the lies NM made up to belittle me and make herself look like a holy Madonna to him. After I turned adult, I have long felt that NM treats me the way many mothers treat their daughters-in-law, and treats her daughter-in-law the way many mothers treat their daughters. In short, they always treat outsiders nicely and treat me like sh**.
Although last year, I didn’t know anything about NPD, I already knew they have never loved me. They only USED me. The fact that they had never said they cared about me up until that moment last year made it harder to believe what they said. I totally didn’t believe it. I knew clearly they only said it because they sensed that I was going low contact, and they were afraid they couldn’t control or manipulate me anymore. HAHA, did they think I am so naive or stupid to fall into the trap?? Again, action speaks louder than words. It cost 40 years of my life to finally see through them. So, I’m not going to fall their prey again! NEVER!!
And they are so good at silencing me, using denial to maintain their image of “perfect parents” & selective hearing, so it’s a dead end trying to discuss with them about how they hurt u. After all, they really don’t care you are hurt, right?